What You Can & Can't Control

Updated: May 27, 2020

90% of my coaching focus is on what we as step parents can control (see below).

I realized that what I do have control over as a step parent is myself, my reactions, my choices, my responses to the situation. There's so much that we don't have control of in step parenting, and I don't want to spend my time there because the end result of that is frustration. I get frustrated with a bio parent who won't change. I get frustrated with kids that can't seem to learn what we want them to do. I, and we, get frustrated with our partners because they don't stick up for us, themselves, their rights to see their kids. And the more we focus on all of that, the more out of control our lives get.

This finally hit me after we had paid off Kylee's braces and oral surgery ($7500), without any help from her mother. When we asked BM, she always said she "couldn't afford it". I wasn't aware at that point that complying with the decree and splitting medical bills 50/50 was optional. ;)

Learning to focus on what I have control of took me forever but I have significantly more peace in my life now that I focus on what *I* can change.

Where is your focus? What are you trying to change? Is it within your control or out of your control?

Sara Susov: Step Up Mentoring

Cover Photo by Saad Chaudhry

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